Airlines Jokes

Lufthansa:
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this
announcement from the captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean" The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an
emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"

After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.

The captain once again made an announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane...

---THANK YOU FOR FLYING LUFTHANSA- "


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Air INDIA:

"This is Captain Sharma speaking.

On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard AIR INDIA flight 602 from Mumbai to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic." "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you
will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."


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Air France:

There once was a flight heading from London to New York. Halfway
during the flight, the captain suddenly comes over the intercom system...

"This is Captain Jean-Pierre Lalonde speaking. I have a bit of bad news for you.
We have lost our first left engine, but never fear, we can still make it
using only three engines. But because of the loss of power, we will be two hours late." Time goes on, and once again the PA system crackles to life..."This is again your Captain. We have lost an engine on our starboard wing. But rest assured that our plane can fly using only two engines. Due to the reduced power, we will now be four hours late. "The flight goes on, when the passengers hear the now
familiar sound of the address system...

"Guess what, folks! We lost another engine, but nothing to fear. We
can still make it using only one engine. But now we will be six hours
late. "On hearing this, an elderly lady turned to the person sitting
next to her, and said: "I hope we don't lose ANOTHER engine. I'll be
late for my connecting flight from New York!"

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Philippine Airlines:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mabuhay!, this is your Captain Biglang-awa
speaking, We are now over the Philippine trench where you can
find the deepest part of the Pacific ocean. Here you can also find almost all the ferocious creatures in the sea, there's the killer sharks, barracudas and many others. And now for the finale, please, stay calm and don't panic for both our engines are dead and we are now going down into that ocean. Please
wear your life vest. We are going to crash land this plane into the water.

In the meantime, I would like you to follow everything I'm going to say, repeat after me:

"Our Father Who is in Heaven, Holy be Your name.........."